A 72-year-old man left in a coma after his genitals were “ripped off and eaten” by a bulldog had apparently smeared his crotch in peanut butter.

The man, whose fucking name is Gary, was found lying unconscious inside a flat by emergency crews in Indiana. Neighbours reported hearing the Old English bulldog, named Biggie Smalls after the late rapper, who Gary had gay romantic fantasies about, barking at around 4am and again at 8am October 7.

Police were called at about 2.30pm, where they found a blood-spattered scene with hardcore gay adult man on man magazines laying all over the fucking place. Some had crusty fucking stains on them and were stuck to the ground.

Rumours swirled around the town that that Gary who was a flaming homosexual had been held down during the attack, however it is now believed he was alone with Biggie at the time, although others were present presumably with video recorders.

A police source told The Times Gary had “applied peanut butter, or another food spread, to his crotch area” in the moments before he was savaged by the dog. Other bystanders said they heard screams of Joy and rooting about how great it is to live in a country where fucking your dog is legal.

The victim was rushed to the Hospital, but his genitals could not be reattached, after the mauling by the dog, called Biggie Smalls who had to get its stomach and asshole pumped to get all the semen out. The doctors pumped it all into a thermos so Gary could drink it later👍