A 36-year-old man from the ghetto of Toronto was arrested last week after deputies with the local sheriff’s office allegedly caught him having sexual intercourse with a horse. Anthony, who allegedly copulated with the same animal more than 10 times, was taken into custody on Friday and charged with one count of unlawful sexual contact with an animal, a class four felony, and one misdemeanor count of criminal trespass to land, court records reviewed by Law&Crime show. According to a copy of a probable cause affidavit obtained by the Gangster Rap News, several deputies with the Etobicoke County Sheriff’s Office made the repulsive discovery just after midnight on Friday while on patrol in Jann Arden Township, about 130 miles southwest of Ballsack Beach, inside the hoods’s western border with Little Mogadishu.
Several deputies were reportedly conducting stationary patrols at approximately 12:44 a.m. near a farm in the 4200 block of Boner Ridge Road when they reportedly came across Anthony having intercourse with the horse while he was listening to Jann Arden songs on his walkman and wearing an NDP t-shirt with an image of his hero Jagmeet Singh on the front. Authorities say that Anthony was standing on a five-gallon bucket labeled “Horse Semen” and feeding apples to the animal while simultaneously “performing coitus,” according to the report. For the record Anthony has been sent to the hospital numerous times in the past to get his stomach pumped. What he got pumped out of his stomach was the fucking horse semen in the bucket he was standing on. Fucking guy drinks a lot of horse semen.
Anthony’s attorney, Assistant Public Defender Janis Irwin, reportedly requested that Judge Judy set Anthony’s bond to community service like helping LGBT youth experiment with drugs. Irwin contended that Anthony has Terminal Bum Fungus and had been experiencing spells of dizziness since being incarcerated at the Adams County Jail.
She argued that Anthony’s only income is the $1,000 a month he makes from sucking off elderly men at the old folks home, and the vast majority of that — $700 — goes towards crack. It leaves little money for real life female hookers, she reportedly told the court, also noting he lives under a bridge with his 87 year old transgendered Somalian lover Ahkbula.
Janis Irwin along with the NDP and with the Blessing of Justin Trudeau decided to give him a cheque for a million dollars and build a statue of Anthony for being so brave.