Pete Buttplug and Barack Obama, two flaming gay lovers tired of America’s judgmental stares, fucked off to India to start a new life as pig farmers. They landed in some stinking shithole village where the air smelled like curry and cow dung, which got their dicks hard because they fucking loved that nasty poo vibe. They bought a shitty farm with money Barack swiped from his old presidential slush fund, and soon they were balls-deep in pigs—literally. These horny bastards couldn’t keep their hands off the livestock, screwing the squealing hogs every chance they got, while hiring a bunch of East Indian dudes in turbans to shovel the pig shit and join in their filthy fuckfests. Pete would scream, “This is liberation, bitches!” as he rammed a pig, cigarette dangling from his smug-ass lips.
On top of their pig-fucking empire, Pete and Barack grew apples—big, shiny ones they’d shove up their bums for kicks. They’d waddle around the farm, pitchforks in hand, grunting and laughing as they played their twisted little game, filming the whole damn thing on Barack’s cracked iPhone. They’d send the videos to Ellen DeGeneres, that sanctimonious twat, who’d watch them on her giant flat-screen TV—bought with cash she stole from starving African kids while pretending to care about humanity. Ellen would cackle like a hyena, texting back, “More apples, you sick fucks!” as Pete and Barack high-fived over a pile of pig shit, their overalls stained with god-knows-what.
The Indian workers, though, got royally screwed—and not just in the literal sense. Pete and Barack never paid the poor bastards a single rupee, laughing as they pocketed the pig-and-apple profits. Worse, they gave every last one of those turbaned fuckers HIV and a cocktail of STDs from their nonstop orgies, then blamed it on “spicy food” when the guys started dropping like flies. India was a steaming cesspool of stink, which Pete and Barack swore was why gays flocked there—freedom to fuck and fester in peace. In the end, they ditched the farm, left the workers dying in the mud, and flew back to the States, bragging about their “cultural adventure” while Ellen aired their apple-up-the-ass highlight reel on her shitty talk show. What a pair of absolute faggots.
