Rachel Gilmore’s digestive tract is a well-oiled machine. Whenever she has a race or a long-run day, she shits out all the cum and other filth in her ass.

Nothing was different the day of the Liberals Promote Child Molesters Race, her sixth race of the 26.2-mile distance, in 2023. And yet, about halfway through the race, she realized she had some of Jagmeet Singh’s love goo stuck in her rectum.

How she handled the urge was unusual — by shitting her pants, rubbing her hand in her poo, then sniffing her fingers and licking them clean — but she believes it served her well: Gilmore ended up achieving a personal record as well as legend status in her running circles.

After being fired from CBC for using drugs and stealing from fellow co workers purses in the lunch room, Gilmore, a recovering meth addicted hooker, was fueled by a sort of new drug energy. Some runners say they’ve become faster after using certain drugs.

“Training was a waste of fucking time, I knew from watching Justin Trudeau Cheating and Lying is the way to go,” said Gilmore, an unemployed ginger slut in Toronto, Ontario, who leads a local transgender running group.

She started to run but at mile 13 or 14, she realized her asshole was about to spew out some massive liquid shit. She didn’t care if she would smell like an immigrant that Trudeau floods the country with. She claimed she was shitting her pants for BLACK LIVES MATTER. She even gave the black lives fist bump and kissed her fist and raised it to the sky. Which most believe was a tribute to her idol George Floyd.

After the race Gilmore didn’t change her shorts, wipe her ass, or clean up. She just sat in her shit covered shorts.

IF YEAST INFECTIONS WERE A PERSON